Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize