Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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