I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
