My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
