What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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