The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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