am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
