um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
