I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
