respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
