youre lurking in front of me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
