I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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