dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
