Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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