the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
