you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize