Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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