Your tits are I can't wait for
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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