theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
