i don't like sucking hair
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
