You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize