this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
