2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Apparently you make a good broom.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize