when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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