I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
