Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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