just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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