The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
