You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
