There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
