I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
