I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
