come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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