She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
