Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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