Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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