Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
