I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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