do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
