I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I want to fling myself into the sun
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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