Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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