My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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