The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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