your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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