i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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