dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
