Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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