I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
