i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Someone signed my nipple.
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