i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
