I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
