FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
