and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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