and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I believe in your delicious
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
