I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
