Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
vagina is talking i cant
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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