Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
