dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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