btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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