Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
