like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
