Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
