All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
