this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
