dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
