Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
