i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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