i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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