MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
