Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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