Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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