just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
