I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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