I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
