Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
