i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize